Squarespace was about sixteen dollars a month, roughly one hundred and ninety-two dollars a year. I cancelled it. The website is gone. In its place I am standing outside the shop with a sandwich board. The board costs about thirty-two dollars. Two months of the old subscription buys it outright. After that it is free to stand there and be a board. Donna asked if this was a plan or a tantrum. I said it was a rollout.
about one hundred and eighty dollars. Shark rating 0.6.
He waves. He does not need hosting. He does not need a password reset. If he stops waving, I hit the blower with my hand and he resumes. That is more uptime than I ever got from a contact form. The rating is low because Donna will see him from the kitchen.
about two hundred and forty dollars. Shark rating 0.8.
This is for the window behind me. It says open in letters Donna can read from the car. The website could also say open. The website could not glow.
about six hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 1.1.
The smell pulls people in. The website had a pop up. This is a pop up you can eat.
Life-size cardboard cutout of Steve
about ninety dollars. Shark rating 1.0.
For when I need a break. It stands by the board and looks serious. Donna says it is the most lifelike thing I have ever produced.
about one hundred and twenty dollars. Shark rating 1.2.
A storefront needs a voice. I will sing one song on a loop until someone comes in. The website had a banner that said welcome. This is the same idea with feeling.
about seventy dollars. Shark rating 1.3.
Atmosphere. Low fog around the board makes the shop look like it is emerging from the mist. The website had a gradient. This is a gradient you can trip over.
about nine hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.4.
I can patrol the block. The website had a map. I will be the map.
about one hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 1.5.
People respect a uniform. I will stand at the corner in it and point at the board. The website had a brand palette. This is a brand palette with a hat.
about forty-five dollars. Shark rating 1.8.
For announcements. Store hours. Specials. The fact that I am still here. The website had a contact page. This is a contact page with volume.
about three hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.2.
You can see it from the highway. The website had a homepage. This is a homepage in the sky.
about sixty dollars. Shark rating 1.9.
It points at the door. The website had a menu. This points at the menu.
about eighteen dollars. Shark rating 2.0.
For drawing arrows when the giant arrow is facing the wrong way. Also for drawing a small website on the ground. Donna says that is not what a website is. I say she has never drawn one.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 2.1.
For daily specials. I can change it with a wet rag. The website needed a login. This needs a rag.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 2.2.
People can scan the board and go to a page. The page is a phone number written in a square. That is technically a website if you believe in it.
about twenty-two dollars. Shark rating 2.3.
For stamping bags and receipts and the occasional napkin. The website had a logo. This is a logo that fits in my pocket.
about twenty-five dollars. Shark rating 2.5.
For when the board is too far away. I hand one to a person and they have the shop in their hand. The website was also in their hand but only if they knew the address.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 2.6.
For the library board and the laundromat. The website could not be pinned to cork. This can.
about twenty-eight dollars. Shark rating 2.7.
For people who like mail. The website never sent anyone anything. This arrives.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 2.8.
The shop name on the glass. The website had a header. This is a header that also stops people from walking into the glass.
about fifty dollars. Shark rating 2.9.
For the fence across the street. It says the shop is open and has a phone number. The website said the same thing for sixteen dollars a month. This one does not expire until the wind takes it.
about thirty-five dollars. Shark rating 3.0.
The car becomes a moving storefront. The website could not leave the house. Donna says the car is not a billboard. I say it is a billboard with cup holders.
about ninety dollars. Shark rating 3.1.
For me and for anyone who asks. A shirt says the shop is open even when I am at the grocery store. The website did not fit me.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 3.2.
For the counter. An apron says we are a serious operation. The website said we were a serious operation in a font. This says it with stains.
about sixty dollars. Shark rating 3.3.
For customers who buy more than they can carry. The website could not carry anything. This can carry a loaf of bread and a small plant.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 3.4.
For laptops and water bottles. People put stickers on things they like. Nobody ever put the website on a water bottle.
about twelve dollars. Shark rating 3.5.
For writing down sales. The website had a dashboard. The dashboard never smelled like paper. This one does.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 3.6.
For the cash. The website had a shopping cart. This has a lid and a handle and does not need a password.
about forty-nine dollars. Shark rating 3.7.
For the people who do not carry cash. It sits on the counter. The website took cards through a form. This takes cards through a slot. The slot is easier to explain.
about ten dollars. Shark rating 3.8.
For the shelves. The website had prices on a screen. These prices are on the thing. That is one less step.
about sixty dollars. Shark rating 3.9.
For the sidewalk when I have more than a board. I can put the stickers and the receipts on it. The website had a layout. This is a layout that folds.
about forty-five dollars. Shark rating 4.0.
For sitting. I am outside for hours. The website did not need a chair. I am not the website.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 4.1.
For rain. The board does not work in rain. I do. Mostly. The umbrella keeps the board dry and keeps me from explaining to Donna why I am standing in a puddle.
about fifty dollars. Shark rating 4.2.
For water. I am not going to stand outside all day and buy water from the place next door. The website did not need water. I do.
about twenty-five dollars. Shark rating 4.3.
For small problems. The website had a 404 page. This has bandages. One of these is more useful when the sidewalk wins.
about ninety dollars. Shark rating 4.4.
For standing. The website was available on mobile. I am the mobile version now. The mobile version needs shoes.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 4.7.
For the shoes. Cotton. Thick. No logo. The website had analytics. These have cushioning. I know which one I care about at four in the afternoon. Donna said just buy the damn socks. I bought the socks.
about thirty-two dollars. Shark rating 4.9.
The whole point. It folds flat. It stands up. It says the shop is open and has the hours and the phone number. It does not need a plugin. It does not need a renewal. If it falls over I pick it up. Two months of the old subscription buys it outright. After that it is free to stand there and be a board. Donna read it and said it was the first thing I have bought that did not need a login. Then she asked why there was a second board in the car.