The dog subscription box was about thirty dollars a month, roughly three hundred and sixty dollars a year. I cancelled it. The dog cannot open a box. I can open a box. The money is now available for things the dog needs but cannot order himself. I have taken over procurement.
about six hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.4.
The dog runs hot. I read that once, maybe. A small hot tub on the deck would give him a place to cool down and me a place to sit while he does it. He is not allowed in because of the filter. The filter is the reason I got it. That is not a survivable number.
about three hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.6.
Dog birthdays deserve a proper oven. The dog does not eat pizza. But if I am hosting his friends, I need to feed the people who brought them. Really I am buying an oven so the dog’s social calendar does not die.
about fifteen hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.7.
The dog hates being alone. An arcade cabinet in the den makes the den a place people come. People in the den means the dog is not alone. I am basically a shelter.
about eight hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.8.
Donna asked which dog plays golf. I said the one who needs a strong role model. The course is a long walk with grass and ponds. The dog would love it. I would be carrying the bag, which is also a workout.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.9.
The dog is a host. He cannot mix drinks. He can sit near the drinks. A bar cart gives him a station. If guests come for the cart and stay for the dog, that is good for everyone.
about five hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.1.
The dog needs visual stimulation when I am at work. I would leave nature footage on the wall. It does not matter that I also want to watch the game on a big wall. The dog likes the game. He likes the crowd noise.
about four hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.2.
The yard has corners I cannot see from the kitchen. A drone can check them. The dog would not know it is a drone. He would think it is a bird that respects him. I would be in the kitchen, flying the bird.
about six hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.3.
The dog wakes up early. I wake up early because the dog wakes up early. A proper espresso machine makes the early walk possible. The dog does not drink espresso. The dog benefits from a Steve who is awake.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.4.
The dog might calm down to music. I do not know if our dog is one of those dogs. The record player is for the house, and the dog lives in the house, so it is for the dog in a legal sense. I am using the legal sense.
about twelve hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.5.
The dog needs a guard chair by the window. He cannot reach the window from the floor. A recliner gives him height and gives me a place to watch him guard. Donna said the dog is not allowed on the recliner. I said he can be near it.
about two thousand dollars. Shark rating 1.6.
The dog needs company. A pool table gives people a reason to come over. People come over, the dog gets attention. I get to play pool. The dog gets attention. This is a closed loop.
about three hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.7.
On clear nights the dog and I can look at the moon. The dog does not look at the moon. The dog looks at me looking at the moon. That is bonding. The telescope makes the bonding bigger.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.8.
The dog is getting older. I am also getting older. A massage gun can help with his stiffness. I can help with his stiffness by using it on my own shoulder first, to test the settings. The dog needs a tester.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 1.9.
The dog has anxiety. A weighted blanket can calm an anxious animal. I would put it on the dog. I would also need one for me, because watching the dog be anxious is hard. This is one blanket for both of us, technically.
about three hundred dollars. Shark rating 2.0.
The dog barks when the mail comes. I need to stay calm for him. Headphones let me stay calm. The dog is not wearing them. The dog is the reason I am wearing them. That is close enough.
about one hundred dollars. Shark rating 2.1.
I can leave the radio on for the dog from my phone. The dog does not have a phone. The smart speaker is the dog’s radio. It is also my radio. The dog gets talk stations. I get to change them.
about four hundred dollars. Shark rating 2.2.
The dog sleeps under the desk while I work. A standing desk gives him more room underneath. It also gives me better posture. The dog needs me to have good posture so I can pick him up. He is not a small dog.
about one hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 2.3.
I am writing the dog’s memoir. He has had a rich life. The keyboard makes the typing enjoyable. The dog cannot type. I am the ghostwriter. Every click is for him.
about ninety dollars. Shark rating 2.4.
The dog needs good lighting for his portraits. I take the portraits. A ring light makes his eyes shine. It also makes my face look better when I am in the frame. The dog asked me to be in the frame. He did not ask, but he understands.
about seventy dollars. Shark rating 2.5.
The dog’s videos would be better with backgrounds. A green screen lets me put him in a field or on a beach. He has never been to a beach. This saves him the travel. I am doing it for his comfort.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 2.6.
The dog has supplies. I need to label them. I also need to label the kitchen shelves, the garage bins, and one drawer Donna keeps opening. The dog benefits from a well labeled house. He can find his things.
about one hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 2.7.
The dog’s records need a home. Vet papers, pedigree, whatever he has. A filing cabinet gives him an office. It also gives me a place for the warranty cards I keep building up. The dog is organized. I am organized by association.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 2.8.
The dog’s private documents should not go in the trash. A shredder keeps his business private. I also have some credit card offers. The dog would want me to protect the household. He is protective by nature.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 2.9.
The dog’s treats need to be secure. He is not allowed to eat them all at once. A safe keeps them safe. It also keeps my passport and a few things I cannot find. The dog does not have thumbs. The safe is for his own good.
about one hundred dollars. Shark rating 3.0.
The dog needs to know if it is a good walk day. A weather station tells me. I can then tell the dog. He cannot read the station. He can read my face. The station makes my face more accurate.
about one hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 3.1.
The dog breathes the air in this house. I breathe it too. A monitor tells me when to open a window. The dog cannot open a window. He needs me to know. I need the monitor to tell me. This is teamwork.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 3.2.
The dog is home while I am out. The house should not get too hot. A smart thermostat keeps it steady. It also keeps my room steady. The dog sleeps in my room. So it is the same room. The thermostat is for the dog’s room.
about three hundred dollars. Shark rating 3.4.
The dog sheds. I shed less, but I shed. A robot vacuum handles the hair. The dog does not like the vacuum. He will like the floor after. I will like not pushing a vacuum. The dog gets a clean floor. I get to watch him not push a vacuum.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 3.5.
The dog smells like dog. An air purifier helps the house smell less like dog. The dog still smells like dog. He is allowed to. The purifier is for the air around him. Donna said the house smells like wet animal. This is my answer.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 3.7.
The dog comes in with mud. A washable rug catches the mud. I wash the rug. The dog does not wash the rug. He is the reason for the rug. That counts as a dog purchase. It is the most literal thing on this list so far.
about fifty dollars. Shark rating 3.8.
The dog should not be in the kitchen when I cook. A gate keeps him out. It also keeps him in when I need him in. The dog can jump it. I am hoping he chooses not to. The gate is a suggestion with hinges.
about one hundred dollars. Shark rating 3.9.
The dog is in the yard. I am in the house. A camera lets me see the dog. It also lets me see the delivery person and the raccoon. The dog is the main character. The camera is for his safety. I am his security team.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 4.0.
The dog needs a night walk. I need to see the sidewalk. A headlamp keeps my hands free for the leash. The dog does not need a headlamp. The dog needs me to have one. This is a dog item the way a stroller is a baby item.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 4.2.
The dog does not care about rain. I care about rain. If I am dry, I walk him longer. If I walk him longer, he is happier. A rain jacket is for the dog in the sense that a dry Steve is a walking Steve. Donna says this is the first reasonable thing I have said all day. I am ignoring her tone.
about one hundred dollars. Shark rating 4.3.
The dog likes the muddy part of the park. I do not like the muddy part of the park. Boots let me go there anyway. The dog gets his mud. I get dry feet. This is a compromise. The dog did not compromise. He just got mud.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 4.5.
Cold feet make me cut walks short. The dog does not want that. Wool socks keep my feet warm. The dog does not wear socks. He would if he had my feet. He has paws. The socks are for the walk. The walk is for the dog.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 4.6.
The dog leaves water everywhere after he drinks. Paper towels clean it up. I use them. The dog does not use them. But the dog is the reason the floor is wet. This is the least exciting purchase on the list and the one I will actually use today.
about ten dollars. Shark rating 4.9.
The dog’s bowls need washing. Dish soap and sponges wash them. I do the washing. The dog waits. The soap is for the bowls the dog uses. At this point I am hoping Donna sees the difference between a dog item and a dog. Donna said this is the first thing on the list that belongs in a house. I am choosing to hear that as support.