SiriusXM is gone. About fifteen dollars a month, roughly a hundred and eighty dollars a year, back in my pocket and pointed at a new purpose.
Here is the plan. I buy blank CDs at the thrift store. I burn my own drive-time programming onto them. No ads. I control the playlist. I control the weather report. I control the morning show, which is me, and the afternoon show, which is also me, at a slightly lower register.
Donna asked what happens when I hear a song I do not own. I told her I will simply not hear it.
Decommissioned AM radio transmitter tower
about eleven thousand dollars. Shark rating 0.4.
Signal strength. If I am going to run a station, I should be able to reach the end of the driveway. The tower comes on a trailer. I have measured the driveway. It is longer than people think.
about four thousand dollars. Shark rating 0.5.
The CD player in the current car is fine. But I cannot run a station out of a car I also use for errands. The second car is the broadcast vehicle. Donna said we do not need a broadcast vehicle. I said we did not need a station either, and here we are.
about two hundred and forty dollars. Shark rating 0.6.
A professional operation signals when it is on the air. The sign goes in the garage above the door. When the sign is lit, nobody is allowed to ask me about the recycling.
Broadcast console from a defunct AM station
about nine hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.7.
The man selling it says it came out of a station that went under in the nineties. That is not a warning. That is provenance. It has faders. I do not currently have faders. That is the whole problem with my current setup.
about seventy dollars. Shark rating 0.9.
Morning drive needs atmosphere. I will not overuse it. It runs for the opening segment only, and possibly the traffic.
about one hundred and ten dollars. Shark rating 1.0.
Used to end segments that have gone on too long. I have been ending segments with my voice. It is not the same.
about four hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.1.
Four bars, my name, the words drive time. I hummed it for Donna. She said it is a jingle. She did not say it was a good one. She is not a program director.
Three matching broadcast blazers
about three hundred and forty dollars. Shark rating 1.2.
One to wear, one in the car, one at the cleaner. A station has a look. My look is currently a fleece with a hole in the pocket. That is not a look. That is a hole.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 1.3.
It says DRV TME. Seven characters is all they give you. I made it work.
about one hundred and sixty dollars. Shark rating 1.4.
Applause, crickets, a door slamming. I do not need the door slamming. I want the door slamming.
Acoustic foam in the shape of a shark
about two hundred and twenty dollars. Shark rating 1.5.
It absorbs echo and it is on brand. Donna asked why it has to be a shark. I explained that a station has an identity. She said we already have a shark. I said now we have two.
about six hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.6.
Burns seven discs at once. This is the part where the operation becomes serious. I make the master. The tower makes the copies. The car gets one. The glove box gets one. The backup glove box gets one.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 1.7.
For the playlist cards. Every hour gets a card. If the card is not laminated, one spill ends the broadcast day. I have spilled on a card. I am not going back.
about thirty five dollars. Shark rating 1.8.
A blank CD with no label is a mystery. I do not need mystery in the car. I need to know that disc four is the Tuesday show and not the one where I did the traffic report as a character.
about ninety dollars. Shark rating 1.9.
When a show does not work, it cannot stay in the library. The library has standards. If I keep a bad show, someone will find it. The someone is Donna.
about sixty dollars. Shark rating 2.0.
Two drawers. One for shows that aired. One for shows that did not air but might air later. The second drawer is going to fill up. I know this about myself.
about one hundred and twenty dollars. Shark rating 2.1.
This is the piece that makes the whole thing work in the car. I plug it in, I set a frequency, and my station exists. It reaches roughly the length of the car. That is the market I am serving.
about forty five dollars. Shark rating 2.2.
For the garage. The broadcast has to be audible while I load the second car. Otherwise it is just a hobby with paperwork.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 2.3.
Backup. If the CD player in the car goes, the station does not go dark. I will hold it on my lap. It has skip protection. So do I.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 2.4.
Twelve discs, right above the windshield. That is the drive-time library. I have thought about the order. Disc one is the morning. Disc twelve is for when the morning has gone long.
about fifty dollars. Shark rating 2.5.
I need to hear the show the way the car hears it. I also need to not hear Donna asking me to come inside. Both are professional requirements.
about seventy dollars. Shark rating 2.6.
I have been recording segments on my phone, which picks up the refrigerator. The refrigerator is not part of the show. The refrigerator has never been part of the show.
about one hundred dollars. Shark rating 2.7.
Four channels. Mic, music, sound effects, and the gong. The gong needs its own channel. I have thought about this more than anything else in my life.
about eight dollars for a stack. Shark rating 2.8.
I buy them at the thrift store, a stack for the price of the coffee I stopped buying. The discs are the station. Everything else is just how the station gets to the car.
about ten dollars. Shark rating 2.9.
A disc that skips is a dead air emergency. The kit has a cloth and a little bottle. That is all it takes to save a broadcast.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 3.0.
The show has to hit the top of the hour. The clock on the stove is behind me. I have missed the top of the hour. I have heard about it.
about twelve dollars. Shark rating 3.1.
A three-minute song is three minutes. A four-minute song is four. I cannot be guessing. Guessing is how you end up with dead air and a gong.
about twenty five dollars. Shark rating 3.2.
The weather report needs weather. I could guess. I will not guess. A man who guesses the weather on the radio is not a broadcaster, he is a guy with a microphone and a guess.
about ninety dollars. Shark rating 3.3.
Traffic. If the highway is backed up, my listeners should know before they get on it. My listeners are in the car with me. Still.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 3.4.
The scanner tells me there is a problem. The atlas tells me which way to go. I cannot do the traffic report without the atlas. I tried. It was a short report.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 3.5.
I can see the highway from the top of the driveway. Binoculars turn a view into a report. That is the difference between having eyes and being a newsroom.
about eight dollars. Shark rating 3.6.
The rundown. Segment one, segment two, weather, gong if needed. If it is not on the clipboard it does not happen. I have tested this theory.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 3.7.
Hands on the wheel. A broadcaster has a duty to the road. Also the last time I held the phone I ran a stop sign and the show got a lot more exciting than I wanted.
about twenty five dollars. Shark rating 3.8.
Drive time is long. The coffee has to stay hot from the first segment to the last. This is not a luxury. This is infrastructure.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 3.9.
Two hours in the car, twice a day, is a lot of hours. My back has opinions about the schedule. The cushion is what lets me keep the schedule.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 4.0.
The dashboard gets hot and the discs live up there. A warped disc is a dead show. This is a small price to protect the library.
about six dollars. Shark rating 4.2.
The broadcast vehicle is also a car. It has a smell. I would rather that not be the first thing people notice about the station.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 4.4.
The morning drive heads east. I cannot do the show with my hand up. The show requires both hands and most of my attention.
about four dollars. Shark rating 4.6.
There is a segment near the end where I read the letters. Some of the letters are from me. Some of them are about the dog. I am not going to get into it. The tissues are for the segment.
about twelve dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
Because I am in the car for a long time and the garage floor is cold. This is the only item on the list Donna approved before I asked.
She has also asked how many blank CDs a month the station needs. I gave her a number. She wrote it down. I do not think she is going to forget it.