Netflix is about eighteen dollars a month. I did the arithmetic, which Donna says is the only part of this she approves of.
Eighteen dollars a month is two hundred and sixteen dollars a year.
Donna says two hundred and sixteen dollars is money we could keep. I say two hundred and sixteen dollars is a budget. Donna says a budget is a plan, and a list of things you want is not a plan. She is not wrong. She is also not the one who has to live without a hot tub.
Donna put me on an Amazon diet in the spring. I respect the diet. The diet does not cover items I can justify. That is the loophole. The loophole is most of the diet.
I have arranged the list in order, from the items Donna has questions about to the items Donna will eventually hand me the card for.
About $6,000. Shark rating 0.4.
Netflix is a hot tub you cannot get out of. I want one I can get out of. That is the difference between entertainment and wellness. Donna: You do not like water. Steve: I like warm water, and I like being finished. At 0.4 sharks this is not a purchase. This is a negotiation I have already lost.
About $5,000. Shark rating 0.5.
One pinball machine is not a collection. It is a statement about the home. Families used to have a piano. Nobody ever gathered around the piano. People gather around a pinball machine. Donna: We do not have people over. Steve: We do not have people over because we do not have a pinball machine.
Largest television that fits through the door
About $3,000. Shark rating 0.6.
We watched Netflix on a small television for years. We cancelled Netflix. The television has never been the problem. I want to be clear that the television has always been part of the problem.
About $2,000. Shark rating 0.7.
I cancelled a monthly expense to lower my stress. A massage chair lowers stress. The logic is airtight, and I have not checked it with Donna, because logic does not require a witness.
About $800. Shark rating 0.8.
For the roof. Right now, to inspect the roof, I climb a ladder. A drone is a safety device. Donna: You have never inspected the roof. Steve: I have never had a reason.
About $700. Shark rating 0.9.
A kayak is a boat. A boat is transportation. I currently have no backup transportation. I am being prepared. Donna says we live forty minutes from water. The distance is a detail.
About $800. Shark rating 1.1.
I cancelled a subscription that produced entertainment. A smoker produces food. Food is a need. This is the first item on the list that pays for itself, and I would like that noted.
About $250. Shark rating 1.2.
Every home should have one object that answers a question nobody asked. A sword does this. It hangs on the wall, and it is also, technically, security.
About $400. Shark rating 1.3.
We cancelled a service where you watch other people’s stories. A telescope lets you watch your own. They are real. They are slightly blurry. They are yours.
About $350. Shark rating 1.4.
Eventually I will print a bracket and save money on the bracket. I do not know which bracket yet. That is not a flaw. That is the point of owning the printer.
About $600. Shark rating 1.5.
Right now I pay a coffee shop. A coffee shop is a subscription with a line. With this machine, I own the line.
About $700. Shark rating 1.6.
The garage has a wall. That wall is the largest screen in this house, and we are wasting it on paint.
About $1,200. Shark rating 1.7.
A set of clubs is a set of tools. Tools are an investment. I have never played golf. You have to start somewhere, and the somewhere has a dress code and clubs.
About $500. Shark rating 1.8.
My doctor has never once told me to sit more. Donna: Your doctor has also never told you to buy a desk. Steve: Because he assumes I already have the correct one.
About $200. Shark rating 2.0.
Donna: Why do you need another pair of headphones? Steve: I cancelled Spotify. Donna: That is not an answer. Steve: It is the beginning of one. The old pair works. The new pair cancels noise, and the noise I am cancelling is a household with a lot of questions.
About $400. Shark rating 2.1.
I cancelled a service that made images for me. A lens makes images. Mine. Fewer of them, but mine.
About $400. Shark rating 2.2.
LEGO holds its value. This is a retirement purchase. I will not open it. Donna: You will open it. Steve: I have opened every set I have ever owned. This one is different. Donna: Why. Steve: Because I said so.
About $300. Shark rating 2.3.
Music was cancelled. Music is not cancelled. Music has moved to the garage, which now has a projector and excellent acoustics.
About $70. Shark rating 2.4.
A subscription keeps you up at night thinking about it. This puts you to sleep. It is the opposite of what we cancelled.
About $100. Shark rating 2.5.
This makes food quickly and hot. That is the entire case, and it is a good one.
About $300. Shark rating 2.6.
Brooms require a person. The person is me. This replaces the person. Economically, this replaces me, which is a savings.
About $150. Shark rating 2.7.
The coffee shop grinds the beans and charges me monthly for the privilege. This machine does the same job forever, once, in the kitchen.
About $50. Shark rating 2.8.
You cannot manage what you do not measure. I do not want to measure this. But the principle is sound, and the principle was not my idea.
About $80. Shark rating 2.9.
The espresso machine needs water at an exact temperature. If I buy the machine and not the kettle, the machine is wasted. This is not a purchase. This is protecting the previous purchase.
About $80. Shark rating 3.0.
One pair of earbuds is a single point of failure. I am removing the failure. This is risk management, and risk management is a job.
About $40. Shark rating 3.2.
I work at the standing desk. The standing desk is dark. The lamp fixes the desk. You cannot fault a lamp.
About $40. Shark rating 3.3.
Air is a need. Dry air is a rough draft of a need. This is reasonable, and I resent having to argue for it.
About $30. Shark rating 3.4.
Everything in this house that is unlabeled will eventually be lost. This makes labels. This prevents loss. This is an investment in everything you already own.
About $40. Shark rating 3.5.
To store the things, you need the bins. To label the bins, you need the label maker. These are not three purchases. This is one purchase with three parts. Donna: That is how they get you. Steve: That is how they get us.
Rechargeable batteries and the charger
About $40. Shark rating 3.6.
We keep buying batteries. I would like to stop buying batteries. That is the whole argument, and it is a good one.
About $25. Shark rating 3.7.
Everything I have bought is currently fighting for two outlets. A power strip protects the electronics. I have protected the electronics.
About $15. Shark rating 3.8.
Either the cable reaches the couch or the couch is decoration. I have chosen to make the couch functional again.
About $20. Shark rating 3.9.
I have a phone. It has no case. That is not a phone, that is a countdown. A case is the cheapest insurance in this entire article, and I cannot believe it fell this far down the list.
About $20. Shark rating 4.0.
I now look at the largest television that fits through the door. These protect my eyes from the television that fits through the door. This is a direct consequence of a previous, defensible purchase.
About $25. Shark rating 4.1.
We do not have one. We have a drawer. A drawer is not a kit. When the sword finally comes off the wall, we will need this, and it will not be the right moment to buy it.
About $15. Shark rating 4.2.
Half the bulbs in this house are a color I did not choose. This corrects them. Nobody has ever regretted a light bulb.
About $12. Shark rating 4.3.
We produce trash. We put the trash in bags. The bags are not free. I cancelled a subscription so we could afford the bags. This is where the money was always going.
About $10. Shark rating 4.4.
I am not going to argue for these. Donna: Thank you. Steve: You are welcome. Some items are past arguing.
About $20. Shark rating 4.7.
You will have noticed that every sock I own has a hole in it. You have noticed. I have noticed. Donna: Just buy the socks. Steve: I am. This is me buying the socks. This article is how I buy the socks.
About $16. Shark rating 5.0.
I already own seven mugs. Donna knows this. I know this. None of them have a shark on them. This is therefore not a redundant mug purchase. This is a correction.
The total comes to about twenty-five thousand dollars. Against two hundred and sixteen dollars a year. I have done that math. Donna has done that math. Only one of us is still talking.
Donna has read this article.
Donna has requested that I stop writing articles about things I want to buy.
I have started the next one. It is about a canoe.