The VPN was about twelve dollars a month. I cancelled it last month. Donna asked if we still had the internet. We do. We just do not have the tunnel. I explained that privacy is not a service. It is a way of life. Then I explained that a way of life has startup costs. She asked how much. I said I would make a list. This is the list.
about eighteen thousand dollars. Shark rating 0.4.
I know it sounds like a lot. But it is a room. You can put a couch in it. We already have a couch. We just need walls that do not let signals through. I am not saying we live in it. I am saying we have it. For when the router makes a sound.
about twenty five thousand dollars. Shark rating 0.5.
A safe room is like a Faraday room but you can also sit down. I would use it for reading. I would also use it for not being found. Two uses. That is value.
about eighty five thousand dollars. Shark rating 0.6.
Donna has mentioned wanting a cabin. This is a cabin. It is off the grid, which means no one can see us. It also means no one can see the cabin. I think that is the point.
about six hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.7.
You paint it on the walls. Then the walls stop talking to the outside. I do not know what the walls are saying. I do not want to find out.
about four hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.8.
I need a few. Not for anything bad. For grocery lists. Each phone gets one grocery list. If someone finds one phone, they only get one grocery list. They do not get the whole grocery strategy.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 0.9.
I am not saying it works. I am saying it is a hat. It has a brim. You can wear it in the yard. If it does not block signals, at least it blocks sun.
about seventy dollars. Shark rating 1.0.
When I call the pharmacy, I can sound like a different shark. Not a criminal. Just a shark who is not me. The pharmacy does not need to know my whole voice.
about one thousand two hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.1.
The little one jams. This one does not jam. I am not saying it is for documents. I am saying it is for documents and also cardboard. The recycling people know too much.
about three hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.2.
We have documents. I do not know which ones. That is why they need a safe. If I knew where they were, I would not need a safe. That is the logic.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 1.3.
The mail comes to the house. The house is on the map. A locking mailbox tells the mail to wait outside until I get there. It is a small gate. I like gates.
about sixty dollars. Shark rating 1.4.
Privacy is not just digital. It is also visual. I do not want people seeing me watch television. I do not want people seeing me not watch television. Both are private.
about forty five dollars. Shark rating 1.5.
The curtains are for night. The film is for day. In the day, I want to see out. I do not want the out to see in. That is a fair trade.
about fifty dollars. Shark rating 1.6.
If someone is listening, they will hear ocean sounds. That is all. They will think we are at the ocean. They will stop listening. It is a decoy.
about twelve dollars. Shark rating 1.7.
I put it over the camera. Now the camera sees a small plastic door. I respect the door. The door respects me.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 1.8.
It goes in the headphone jack. It tells the microphone that the microphone is not needed today. I do not know if it works. I like the idea of telling a microphone no.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 1.9.
For the laptop. If I am on a plane, the person next to me cannot read my email. They can read my elbow. That is fine. My elbow is public.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 2.0.
Someone can walk by and read my card. I do not know who. I do not know why. But the wallet blocks them. It is a wallet with boundaries.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 2.1.
Same as the wallet but for the passport. The passport is a document. The document travels. The holder keeps the document from talking to strangers.
about one hundred fifty dollars. Shark rating 2.2.
This is the upstairs shredder. The industrial one is downstairs. You do not want to walk downstairs every time you get a credit card offer. That is how offers pile up.
about one hundred twenty dollars a year. Shark rating 2.3.
I want my mail to go to a box. The box is in a building. The building is not my house. If someone wants to find me, they have to find the building first. Then the box. Then me. That is three steps.
about twenty five dollars. Shark rating 2.4.
A cable is more private than the air. The air is shared. The cable is mine. I plug it in. The internet comes through a tube I own.
about thirty five dollars. Shark rating 2.5.
The first cable was too short. I need to reach the couch. Privacy is not comfortable if you have to sit on the floor. Donna said that. I wrote it down.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 2.6.
It makes calls and sends short messages. That is it. It cannot check the weather. It cannot check the news. It cannot check on me. I check on it.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 2.7.
A landline is a phone that stays in the house. It does not go in my pocket. It does not go to the store. It waits. I respect a phone that waits.
about one hundred dollars. Shark rating 2.8.
Sometimes places ask for a fax. I do not know why. But if I have a fax machine, I am the one who controls the line. Also it is funny. I am not saying that to Donna.
about one hundred fifty dollars. Shark rating 2.9.
If I want to write something private, I type it on a typewriter. No cloud. No autosave. No suggestions. Just me and the letter. The letter stays on paper. Paper is a format I understand.
about ten dollars. Shark rating 3.0.
For passwords. I know that is not recommended. Neither is a VPN I cancelled. But a notebook is not connected to anything. It is a brick with lines.
about five dollars. Shark rating 3.1.
A pen goes with the notebook. I need a pen that does not smudge. If the password smudges, I lose the password. Then I have privacy from myself.
about two dollars. Shark rating 3.2.
For drafts. You do not write a sensitive list in pen. You write it in pencil. Then you erase it. Then you write it again. That is operational security.
about three dollars. Shark rating 3.3.
Comes with the pencil. I could use the back of the pencil. But a real eraser is a commitment. It says I plan to make mistakes and fix them.
about twelve dollars. Shark rating 3.4.
If I do not send email, I need envelopes. An envelope is an email you can hold. It has a flap. The flap is the lock.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 3.5.
You need stamps for the envelopes. I am not going to hand deliver everything. That would use gas. Gas is not private. Gas stations have cameras.
about eighty dollars a year. Shark rating 3.6.
For things I do not want in the house. The bank has a vault. The vault has a box. The box has my stuff. The bank does not know what is in the box. I think that is the deal.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 3.7.
The front door has a lock. The lock is fine. A deadbolt is a lock that means it. If someone wants to come in, they have to do more than turn a knob. They have to think about their choices.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 3.8.
For when I open the door. The chain lets me see who it is while also saying no. It is a conversation starter that ends the conversation.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 3.9.
I want to see who is at the door before I open it. The peephole does that. It is a small window with trust issues. I relate to it.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 4.0.
If someone walks up the driveway, the light comes on. It does not stop them. It just lets them know I know. That is most of security.
about one hundred dollars. Shark rating 4.1.
I know a camera is surveillance. But it is my surveillance. I watch the yard. The yard does not watch me. That is the difference between privacy and paranoia.
about one thousand dollars. Shark rating 4.2.
A dog is a security system with a personality. It barks. It also needs food. I have factored in the food. Donna will ask about the food. I have not factored in the food.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 4.3.
For the closet. I do not play baseball. I just want something in the closet that is not a broom. If someone breaks in, they see the bat. They leave. The bat does not have to do anything.
about twenty five dollars. Shark rating 4.4.
If the power goes out, I need to see. If someone cuts the power, I really need to see. A flashlight is privacy for your eyes.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 4.5.
Privacy is useless if you are bleeding. I want to be private and also not bleeding. The kit helps with the second part.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 4.6.
A fire is the opposite of privacy. It brings everyone to your house. I want the ability to stop the fire before the neighbors come over.
about twenty five dollars. Shark rating 4.7.
Same as the extinguisher but earlier. It tells me there is a fire before I can see the fire. That is information I want. I do not want the fire to have information about me.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 4.9.
I need socks. That is it. That is the whole pitch. Privacy is a lifestyle, but my feet are cold. You can buy the socks. You do not have to think about it.
Donna says, “The VPN was twelve dollars.” I said, “The socks are twenty.” She said, “Just buy the socks.”