I cancelled Atlas Coffee Club. It was about twenty dollars a month. That is roughly two hundred and forty dollars a year, which is not enough for a used espresso machine, but it is a start. Donna put me on an Amazon diet last year. She did not mention restaurant supply auctions. I checked.
Used espresso machine about four hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.4.
It came from a restaurant supply auction. The listing said it worked when it was unplugged. That is not a guarantee, but it is a sentence. I can fix it. I have seen people fix things.
Second used espresso machine for parts about one hundred and eighty dollars. Shark rating 0.4.
This one is not a backup. It is a donor. One machine will teach the other. If both break, I will have a matched set of problems and a hobby.
Descaling kit for machines with a past about thirty dollars. Shark rating 0.6.
The previous owner had it for years and then got divorced. I do not know if he descaled it. I know he had other things on his mind. The kit is a fresh start for the plumbing.
Barista class at the community center about ninety dollars. Shark rating 0.7.
The class is on Tuesday nights. I will learn to steam milk and to talk about extraction without laughing. Donna asked if the class includes a certificate. I said it includes a sense of purpose.
Commercial coffee grinder from a closed bagel shop about two hundred and twenty dollars. Shark rating 0.9.
The espresso machine is used, so the grinder should be used. It is a matching set of history. The bagel shop closed because the owner retired. That is a better story than the machine’s.
Hand grinder for when the power goes out about seventy dollars. Shark rating 1.1.
I need a plan for emergencies. An emergency is not the time to drink bad coffee. The hand grinder also makes me look like a person who has a plan, which is useful during the emergency.
Roaster’s choice coffee subscription about twenty-two dollars a month. Shark rating 1.2.
This is not the coffee club I cancelled. This one sends whole beans for espresso. The old one sent coffee for a person who owned a French press and no plans. Donna asked how it is different. I said the map is different. She said it is the same map with a new drawing on it. I said that is still a new map.
Naked portafilter about fifty-five dollars. Shark rating 1.0.
It has no bottom, so I can watch the espresso come out. If it sprays, I will learn something. If it sprays on the ceiling, I will learn something else. This is diagnostic. It is not a mess. It is a lesson with a mop nearby.
Distribution tool about thirty-five dollars. Shark rating 1.25.
It levels the grounds before I press them. I have been leveling them with a spoon and my hopes. The tool is more repeatable. I do not need a repeatable spoon.
Coffee scale with a timer about forty dollars. Shark rating 1.3.
I cannot improve coffee if I do not know what I did. The scale tells me what I did. The timer tells me when I did it. This is called data. Donna calls it a tiny bathroom scale for beans.
Tamper with a wooden handle about forty-five dollars. Shark rating 1.4.
The machine came with a plastic tamper. Plastic is for leftovers and patio chairs. A wooden handle says I am serious about pressing coffee into a small metal cup. Donna said the plastic one works fine. Donna is not the one with a wooden handle.
Puck screen about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 1.5.
It sits on top of the coffee and keeps the machine cleaner. I am told it improves water distribution. I am also told it is optional. I have chosen to hear the first part.
Tamping mat about eighteen dollars. Shark rating 1.6.
The counter is not a tamping surface. The counter is a counter. The mat protects the counter and gives the tamper a home, which is more than I can say for the second machine.
Knock box about thirty dollars. Shark rating 1.7.
Without a knock box, the spent coffee goes in the sink. The sink does not like this. The sink has made its position clear. The knock box is a small bin with a bar, and it keeps the peace.
Milk pitcher about twenty dollars. Shark rating 1.8.
I cannot make a latte in a mug. I have tried. The milk goes everywhere except the place where the foam should be. The pitcher has a spout. The spout is the part that makes it a pitcher.
Small milk pitcher about eighteen dollars. Shark rating 1.9.
The first pitcher will be for when Donna wants a latte. The small pitcher will be for when Donna wants a smaller latte. I am covering the market. Donna said we are not a market. I said we are a household with preferences.
Steaming thermometer about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 2.0.
I need to know when the milk is done. The steam wand does not tell me. The steam wand only makes noise. The thermometer makes a small, quiet number. I like a quiet number.
Espresso cups and saucers about thirty dollars. Shark rating 2.1.
Espresso is small. Our mugs are not. If I put espresso in a mug, it looks like a mistake someone made at the bottom of a cup. The small cups make it look intentional. Presentation is half the drink and most of the argument.
Demitasse spoons about twelve dollars. Shark rating 2.2.
The regular spoons are too big for the small cups. This is not a style thing. This is physics. A spoon that does not fit is a tiny lever that hits the table. I am trying to reduce tiny levers.
Bean cellar set about thirty-five dollars. Shark rating 2.0.
The cellar is for beans I am testing. I will test one bean at a time and write down what happened. The writing down is important. Without the writing down, it is just me drinking coffee and making a face.
Coffee bean storage canister with a valve about twenty-five dollars. Shark rating 2.3.
Beans need to breathe, but not too much. The valve handles the breathing. I handle the lid. This is a partnership. The bag the beans come in is also fine, but the bag does not look like it belongs in a kitchen.
Small refrigerator for beans about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.6.
Beans last longer in a cool place. The main refrigerator is full of food and Donna’s opinions about food. A small refrigerator for beans is a dedicated climate. It is not a second refrigerator. It is a bean room with a door.
Coffee cart about one hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 2.4.
The equipment needs a home that is not every counter. The cart has a top and shelves and wheels. The wheels are for when Donna says the cart cannot live in the dining room. I can move it to the living room. That is what the wheels are for.
Shelving unit for the coffee cart about eighty dollars. Shark rating 3.0.
The cart has shelves, but not enough shelves. There are cups, beans, cloths, a scale, a knock box, and a second machine. The second machine can go on top if the shelving unit is tall enough. This is space planning.
Group head brush about twelve dollars. Shark rating 2.6.
The group head is the part the coffee comes out of. It gets coffee on it. The brush gets the coffee off it. This is the entire relationship. I do not need to make it complicated.
Microfiber cloths for the steam wand about ten dollars. Shark rating 2.8.
Milk on a steam wand becomes milk cement. I do not know why. I know it happens. The cloths are for wiping the wand before the cement sets. Donna said we have cloths. We have cloths that are not allowed near the coffee equipment.
Espresso machine cleaning tablets about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 2.9.
The machine has to be cleaned from the inside. I cannot reach the inside with a cloth. The tablets go in the machine and do the reaching. This is the closest I will get to maintenance without taking anything apart.
Water test strips about twelve dollars. Shark rating 2.7.
I need to know what the filter is filtering. The strips tell me. The strips do not tell me what to do about it. That is my job. This is a small piece of science I can do at the kitchen table without a lab coat.
Water filter pitcher about thirty dollars. Shark rating 3.0.
Coffee is mostly water. Our water is mostly water with opinions. The filter removes the opinions. The machine is happier. I am happier. The filter lives in the refrigerator and takes up the space where a pitcher of iced tea used to live.
Repair manual for espresso machines about twenty dollars. Shark rating 3.0.
I have a used machine and a donor machine. I need a book. The book will tell me which parts are the donor parts. If the book is wrong, I will have two machines and a book. That is still a library.
Surge protector about twenty-five dollars. Shark rating 3.6.
The espresso machine, the grinder, the scale, and the small refrigerator all need power. The power strip is not glamorous. It is the thing between the equipment and a power surge. I would like the equipment to keep working after a storm. Donna said this is the first thing I have said that made sense. I wrote it down.
Fire extinguisher about forty dollars. Shark rating 4.0.
The machine has a boiler. Boilers are hot. I do not plan to set anything on fire. The extinguisher is for the gap between my plan and the boiler’s plan. Donna said this was reasonable. She said it in the tone she uses when she is waiting for the unreasonable thing.
Dish soap and the sponges about ten dollars. Shark rating 4.2.
There will be cups. There will be pitchers. There will be a small metal cup that catches the espresso and a cloth that wipes the wand. The dish soap is not part of the hobby. It is the thing that lets the hobby continue in a house with standards.
Paper towels about eight dollars. Shark rating 4.3.
Coffee spills. Milk spills. Water spills. A paper towel is a small, disposable solution to a small, disposable problem. I am not going to use the good kitchen towels on a spray from the naked portafilter. The good towels have seen enough.
Dish towels about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 4.4.
The dish towels are for drying the cups after the dish soap and before the shelf. They are also for throwing over my shoulder while I work, which is what a person with a coffee cart does. I have seen this. It looks efficient.
Oat milk about five dollars. Shark rating 4.5.
Donna likes oat milk in her latte. I do not need to explain this further. If I explain it further, I will say something about foam stability and she will leave the room. The oat milk is for Donna. That is the argument. It is a good argument.
Sugar about four dollars. Shark rating 4.6.
Some people want sugar in their espresso. I do not. Donna might. A guest might. I do not know who visits a house with two espresso machines and a bean refrigerator, but if they do, I would like to offer them sugar. This is hospitality.
Paper coffee filters about six dollars. Shark rating 4.7.
The espresso machine does not use paper filters. The hand grinder does not use paper filters. The coffee club sends whole beans. But if the espresso machine breaks, and the donor machine also breaks, I will need a way to make coffee that does not involve either one. The filters are for the French press I already own. This is called resilience.
Socks about twelve dollars. Shark rating 4.9.
I stand at the coffee cart for a long time. The floor is cold. The socks are the most defensible thing on this list. Donna said so. She said it before I explained the second machine, so I am keeping the explanation ready. She also said if I buy one more thing with a portafilter, I have to name it after her mother. I have started thinking of names.