I cancelled my tea subscription. It was about twenty dollars a month, roughly two hundred and forty dollars a year. The tea arrived in a box with a card. I read the card. I drank the tea. Then I stood in the kitchen and thought about water.
I am a serious person about tea now. Serious people about tea do not keep tea in a bag next to the coffee. They have apparatus. Donna has seen the apparatus list. She asked if the list is a wish list. I said it is a needs list with prices. She asked if the prices are wishes. I said the prices are estimates.
Here is what I could buy instead.
Tea room about forty two thousand dollars. Shark rating 0.4. The kitchen table is not a tea room. It is a table where the mail goes. A tea room has a door. The door is the main feature. Donna says we have a spare room. The spare room has a treadmill and a box of cables. I am not saying the treadmill is not important. I am saying the treadmill has had its turn. The number next to this is not about the tea. It is about Donna.
Tea house about eighteen thousand dollars. Shark rating 0.5. A tea room is indoors. A tea house is a separate building. The separation is the point. If I drink tea in the yard, the yard becomes the tea room, and then the tea room is also the yard. I have seen the yard. It has a hose.
Tea cellar about seven thousand five hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.6. A cellar is a room for control. Tea wants dark and dry and away from the radiator. Donna says the pantry is away from the radiator. The pantry is also away from nothing else. It has cereal. Cereal has a smell. I am not going to serve tea that smells like cereal and then call myself serious.
Climate-controlled tea cabinet about three thousand two hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.7. The cabinet holds the tea at a stable temperature. I do not know the temperature. The cabinet does. That is the difference between a hobby and a practice. Donna asked why the cabinet cannot be a shelf. I said a shelf is a place where things sit. The cabinet is a place where things are managed.
Tea sommelier course about two thousand four hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.9. There is a certificate at the end. Donna asked what the certificate is for. It is for being a serious person about tea. She asked if it hangs on the wall. I said yes. She asked if the wall is in the tea room. I said now you understand.
Silver tea service about nine hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.1. A silver tea service says the tea is an event. Stainless steel says the tea is a beverage. I have nothing against beverages. I am trying to have an event. Donna says we have a teapot. We have a teapot that came with a rebate. This is not the same conversation.
Gongfu tea table about six hundred fifty dollars. Shark rating 1.3. It has a tray and a drain. The drain is for the water. Without the drain, the water goes on the table. Then the table is wet and I am a person with a wet table. We have enough.
Tea pet about thirty eight dollars. Shark rating 1.4. It is a small clay animal that sits on the tea tray. It does not do anything. That is the job. Donna asked if it is a toy. I said it is a companion for the tea. She asked if the tea is lonely. I said the tea is not the lonely one.
Yixing clay teapot about one hundred twenty dollars. Shark rating 1.6. Clay teapots take on the tea. One pot, one tea. If I use the pot for two teas, the pot is confused. Donna says tea cannot be confused. I said that is because she has never had a confused pot.
Cast iron teapot about eighty five dollars. Shark rating 1.7. Cast iron keeps heat. It is also heavy. When Donna lifts it, she will know the tea is serious. I would not say that to her face. I am saying it here.
Tea urn about two hundred forty dollars. Shark rating 1.8. An urn is for a crowd. I do not have a crowd. I have Donna and a dog. The dog does not drink tea. The urn would be ready if the crowd changes. That is called foresight.
Tea plant about forty five dollars. Shark rating 1.9. A tea plant is a plant. It produces leaves. In theory, I could make tea from my own plant. In practice, I would need many plants and a processing method. This is one plant. It is a start. Donna says a start is not a harvest. I said a harvest is a start that worked.
LED grow light about seventy dollars. Shark rating 2.0. Tea plants need light. The sun is free. The sun is also on a schedule I cannot control. The light is for winter. It is for the plant. It is also for me to look at when the tea room is done.
Tea seeds about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 2.1. Seeds are cheaper than plants. I already bought a plant. Seeds are for the next generation. This is called planning. Donna says planning is not the same as buying seeds. I said planning has to start somewhere.
Matcha whisk about twenty two dollars. Shark rating 2.2. Matcha is powder. If you stir it with a spoon, it clumps. A whisk is many small prongs. Donna asked why not a fork. I said a fork is for food. She said matcha is food. I said now we are arguing about categories.
Matcha bowl about thirty two dollars. Shark rating 2.3. You cannot whisk matcha in a mug. The mug is too narrow. The bowl is wide. The wide part is the whole thing. Donna says we have bowls. We have soup bowls. A soup bowl has a history. I need a bowl with no history.
Gaiwan about twenty eight dollars. Shark rating 2.4. It is a cup with a lid and a saucer. It is three pieces. The lid is for brewing. The saucer is for the lid. The cup is for the tea. Donna asked why not a cup. I said a cup is one piece. She said that sounds efficient. I said efficiency is not the goal.
Tea scale about twenty five dollars. Shark rating 2.5. Tea is measured in grams. A kitchen scale measures grams. It also measures flour. I do not want the tea to smell like flour. This scale is for tea only. It will live in the tea room, away from the flour. The tea room does not have flour.
Tea thermometer about eighteen dollars. Shark rating 2.6. Green tea and black tea want different water. I do not know which is which by looking. A thermometer knows. It does not guess. Donna says I can wait for the kettle to stop. The kettle does not stop at the right time. It stops when it is done.
Tea timer about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 2.7. Steeping is time. The phone has a timer. The phone also has the internet. If I use the phone, I will check the internet and the tea will be bitter. A separate timer is a firewall. Donna says I could just not check the internet. I said we have met.
Gooseneck kettle about seventy five dollars. Shark rating 2.8. The gooseneck pours a thin stream. The thin stream goes where I aim it. A fat stream goes where it wants. This is not complicated. Donna says the old kettle works. The old kettle works like a watering can.
Water filter pitcher about thirty five dollars. Shark rating 2.9. Tea is water with leaves in it. If the water tastes like the tap, the tea tastes like the tap with leaves in it. The filter is not for me. It is for the tea. Donna says the tap is fine. The tap and I have a history.
Water pH strips about fourteen dollars. Shark rating 3.0. I cannot change the water. I can know the water. Knowing is the first step. Donna says knowing is not doing. I said knowing is the part before doing. She said that is not a plan. I said it is a plan with a strip.
Tea tray about sixty dollars. Shark rating 3.1. The tray catches the water. The tray has slats. The slats are for the water. The water goes under the tea. Without the tray, the water goes on the table. We have been over this. Donna says we have a tray. The tray is a baking sheet. A baking sheet is not a tea tray. It is a sheet for baking.
Tea caddy about thirty dollars. Shark rating 3.2. Tea wants dark and dry. The bag the tea comes in is not dark. It is a bag. A caddy is a small dark room for tea. The tea does not pay rent. It is worth it. Donna says the cupboard is dark. The cupboard is also where the onions are. The onions are not serious.
Tea scoop about twelve dollars. Shark rating 3.3. A scoop is for leaves. A spoon is for soup. I have used a soup spoon for tea. I am not proud of it. The scoop is the end of that era. Donna says the soup spoon is clean. I said this is not about clean.
Tea strainer about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 3.4. Loose tea has small pieces. The small pieces go in the cup. I do not want to chew my tea. The strainer stops the chewing. Donna says I can use the infuser. The infuser is for the pot. The strainer is for the cup. They are not the same object. That is why there are two.
Tea infuser about thirteen dollars. Shark rating 3.5. The infuser is a basket for the pot. The basket holds the leaves. The leaves stay in the basket. Then the tea is tea and not a pond. Donna says the strainer does this. I said the strainer does this in the cup. The pot is not the cup. The pot is bigger.
Double-walled tea glasses about thirty dollars. Shark rating 3.6. You can see the tea. The tea is green or brown or gold. The glass shows the color. A mug hides the color. I am not buying a mug. Donna says I drink tea with my mouth, not my eyes. I said the eyes are part of the mouth’s team.
Teacup about twenty dollars. Shark rating 3.7. A cup is not a bowl. I have bowls now. The cup is for the tea I drink while standing up and thinking about the tea room. It has a handle. The handle is for the thinking.
Teapot cozy about sixteen dollars. Shark rating 3.8. The cozy keeps the pot warm. It also makes the pot look like it is wearing a hat. The hat is not the point. The point is the second cup is hot. Donna says the second cup is already hot. I said the second cup is a gamble.
Tea towel about twelve dollars. Shark rating 3.9. Tea towels are for spills. There will be spills. I am not pretending there will not be spills. This is the most honest item on the list. Donna says we have towels. We have towels with a pattern. The pattern is not tea.
Tea apron about twenty eight dollars. Shark rating 4.0. An apron is for the person who pours. It has a pocket for the timer. The timer has no pocket. The apron is the pocket. Donna says I do not need an apron to pour water. I said I do not need a tea room either, and yet here we are.
Tea journal about fourteen dollars. Shark rating 4.1. A journal is for the leaves and the water and the time. If I do not write it down, I will make the same tea twice and learn nothing. Donna asked if I write down my meals. I said meals are not tea. She said that is not a no. I said it is not a yes either.
Tea books about twenty five dollars. Shark rating 4.2. Books are not the internet. The internet has opinions. Books have pages. I can put a book next to the chair in the tea room. The chair is not on this list. This is called restraint.
Insulated thermos about thirty five dollars. Shark rating 4.3. I need to take tea with me. Otherwise I buy tea from a shop and the shop wins. The thermos is how the tea room leaves the house. Donna says I can drink water. I said water is not tea. She said water is in tea. I said that is what tea wants you to think.
Reusable tea bags about twelve dollars. Shark rating 4.4. Sometimes I want tea without the strainer and the infuser and the gaiwan and the ceremony. A reusable bag is for those times. It is not a betrayal. It is a compact version of the apparatus. Donna says it is a tea bag. I said it is a bag I control.
Kettle descaling powder about ten dollars. Shark rating 4.6. The kettle gets scale. Scale is not a flavor. The powder is for the kettle. I will use it. This is maintenance, not a hobby. Donna says I have never descaled anything. I said I have never had a kettle worth descaling.
Dish soap and sponges about twelve dollars. Shark rating 4.7. The cups have to be washed. Donna says I cannot buy a tea room and then use a dirty cup. She is right. The soap is the least interesting thing on the list. That is why it is near the end. The sponges are for the cups. The soap is for the sponges.
Socks about eighteen dollars. Shark rating 4.9. My feet get cold when I sit and think about tea. The socks are wool. They are not tea equipment. They are equipment for the person who has tea equipment. Donna says this is the first sensible thing I have said. I am putting them last on purpose.
Donna says the socks are fine. She did not say anything about the tea cellar. I am choosing to hear that as a yes.